it's about 3 am and i'm at work, sitting on a comp chair at the desk. i should probably go finish up laundry, but i wanted to take a minute and get some things off my chest. i don't know what my problem is lately. i feel alone.
even when i'm with people, i feel like it's just me. this all may just be hormonal (ww3 has broken out). i'm trying to snap out of it but it's not that easy. what is my problem? i think i made things really awkward at dinner tonight with my friend because even though i wanted to be with her, i felt like i had nothing to say... i will prob end up talking to her, i don't want things to be weird.
it's been a while since i've blogged. things have changed. my retail job is done. they closed our store down. it was crazy though. i filled out applications and everyone said they weren't hiring but would keep my app on file (which means nothing). so, i tried hard not to stress out about it. i believed that God had it all under control. it was starting to get hard though bc everyone else was kind of stressing for me.
they kept asking me what i was going to do. and i kept telling them that i had no idea but i believed that God did. the last week i was at my retail job, i semi started to panic. i think on my last saturday there i got a phone call from a hotel for an interview.
they wanted me to come in on monday and talk to the gm. so on monday, i got dressed up and took my butt in, fingers crossed and all. she interviewed me and got all of my info for a background check and then asked me when i could start if she decided to hire me. i told her that my last day was thursday and that friday would work. she let me know that she'd call me in the next couple of days to let me know either way. so, the waiting began. i think it was wednesday while i was at work when i got the call. I GOT THE JOB!
it was awesome! as one door closed, another one literally opened! i had never seen something like that happen before SO quickly! i'm so glad i didn't worry about it! God pulled through and my faith was strengthened! :D
i've been here for a little over a month and i really enjoy it. the people i work with are really nice and very funny! there are a few that challenge me but we all need a few "grace growers" in our lives! :)
i'm trying to change who i am. not in a weird way but in the "God has called me to be better" kind of way. there are character flaws that have got to change! i need to stop complaining, judging, and some other things that i cant really think of right now bc i'm getting tired. lol!
i'm trying to take life one day at a time and not get discouraged when things dont go my way. i'm also trying to realize that people are busy and that they arent not talking to me or spending time with me bc of anything ive done but bc they just dont have the time to. i guess i'm learning to be alone again.
part of me wants to withdrawl and just not hang out with anyone ever while another part of me understands how life can be. im praying for strength and wisdom. i'm also trying to remind myself daily that its not all about me. ;)
"You cannot be lonely if you like the person you're alone with."
~Wayne Dyer
