Life is sooo crazy. I don't know where to begin. My sister had a baby on July 15th, 2010. KehLeigh Renee is the most amazing baby in the whole world! I think she brings so much joy to the lives of those around her. Her dad hasn't been around. She's six months now. Today he and his wife are coming over to visit her for the first time. First, he wasn't married when my sister met him. She's a new addition to his life. They got married not too long after Casey gave birth to KehLeigh. I guess it doesn't matter, Casey doesn't want him. I don't know how this will go. I'll let you know...
I really want kids, one day. Right now I'm totally okay with not having any. I can learn to care and love for kids by having my niece around. I want to be the best mom possible. There are things I still need to do and experience before I feel like I'm ready. No, I'm not even married! I do want to do that as well. For me, children aren't an option unless I'm married. It'll happen, I know it! Some days I get discouraged. Other days I know it's all in God's timing. I'm content though. Life is just as fun single as it would be if I was in a relationship. I want to be the best wife as possible, as well.
I am working on, or rather, letting God work on me. Purity of mind is an issue. I'm letting God in to work on it. Somethings take longer than others. I'm ready for change. I'm done screwing up.
God is so good. Even when we are not, He is! I am so thankful for a God who loves me even when I cannot find enough love to love myself. I've been having a hard time trying to love people and show them compassion. I've just grown tired and weary. However, I've been encouraged by three people this week. It makes me want to try harder; it makes me want to love more. One person told me that I am a great example of God's love! It was amazing! I can't describe how awesome that made me feel! The other two were equally encouraging! I love when that happens.
I'm not sure where this blog is going... So, to end, I'll leave you with this final thought:
"If you would be loved, love and be lovable." -Benjamin Franklin
Monday, January 31, 2011
Sunday, January 30, 2011
Relationships are number one in life...
I don't think anyone really reads my blog... I thank God though. I feel like I can say anything... However, tonight I'm not going to just say whatever. I want to talk about something we did in church today.
My pastor is a wonderful man. I look up to him and pray that one day I am half the person he is! To be half the person he is would make me wonderful. I don't put him up on a pedestal. I mean, I know he's not perfect but I also know that he's humble. He's a lot like Jesus and I know that he admits when he's wrong. He lets nothing get in his way and runs his race with perseverance. All that to say, he was talking about the one important thing.
I took from his sermon that relationships are so important! We need to love others. I feel like sometimes I just get so caught up with life that I forget the important things. I want to be a person who seeks first the kingdom. One who loves God with all that I am and others almost as much as I love God. I know it's going to be hard because people can be crazy but I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength!
He encouraged us to dream. To ask the big "What if". He dared us to see what God would do through those "What ifs" we have... So, on a final note, I'll leave you with some "What ifs" I have running through my brain. And remember, dream big... The bigger you dream, the wilder the ride!
"What if":
My pastor is a wonderful man. I look up to him and pray that one day I am half the person he is! To be half the person he is would make me wonderful. I don't put him up on a pedestal. I mean, I know he's not perfect but I also know that he's humble. He's a lot like Jesus and I know that he admits when he's wrong. He lets nothing get in his way and runs his race with perseverance. All that to say, he was talking about the one important thing.
I took from his sermon that relationships are so important! We need to love others. I feel like sometimes I just get so caught up with life that I forget the important things. I want to be a person who seeks first the kingdom. One who loves God with all that I am and others almost as much as I love God. I know it's going to be hard because people can be crazy but I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength!
He encouraged us to dream. To ask the big "What if". He dared us to see what God would do through those "What ifs" we have... So, on a final note, I'll leave you with some "What ifs" I have running through my brain. And remember, dream big... The bigger you dream, the wilder the ride!
"What if":
- I went to college
- I prayed with someone I don't know every time I go into town or out to eat?
- I was the church... Acting like Jesus everywhere I go?
- I did bake cookies and gave them to the homeless or random people?
- I loved with no worries of getting hurt?
- God's glory fell so heavily on me during devo time that I could only lie in his presence?
- What if I lived like tomorrow wasn't a guarantee?
- I prayed at all times?
- I only spoke life and positivity?
- I chose the right thing all the time, no matter how hard?
Sunday, January 23, 2011
Sunday night...
Thinking is something that always causes me problems. Lately though, it's been really good for me. I've been thinking about my walk as a Christian. I look at myself and feel like I fall short all the time. However, I've realized, it's OK! No one on this world is perfect! No one, except Jesus, has ever been perfect!
I'm trying to be a better person! I'm trying to be more true to who I am meant to be; who I used to be. We all change. Some of us for the better, some for the worse. I feel like I've done a little of both recently.
I feel like at one point I was very compassionate and caring. Recently I feel like my compassion has slowly melted away. I care, but I feel like I don't care enough. I want so badly to cry at injustice in the world. I want so badly to feel compassion towards the hurting and broken but somehow it just isn't happening all of the time. I remember a time when the commercials on t.v. would bring me to tears and the sight of a teenager crying would break my heart. Where has that person gone? What have I done to her? I think she still lives inside of me. I think she's in there, deep down. Maybe somewhere a long this journey I was hurt and that has something to do with it. However, I don't think that's an excuse!
I used to be positive! So, encouraging... Now I feel like I only see the bad... When did my glass become half empty? How do I change the way I see things? When did i desensitize myself to things?
I know that I love. I love without conditions. I love without knowing why. Love is something that is fairly easy for me. I love to love. I love to love on people. I don't always know how to show it, but I try.
So, I know that I need a lot of work. I also know that it's the Lord who has to do that work in me. It won't happen over night but that's how I want it! I want him to be like, "Poof, you're a new person!" I don't think he does that though. I think it takes time and work on my part. I have to make the choice to change and let him change me. I have to want it badly and be willing to do what he asks of me. What a journey this is going to be.
Right now, I'm working on how people look at me. If I say I'm a Christian, I must act it at all times. There's no room to have an off day because everyone is watching. I'm working on this by watching what I say. Not being so sarcastic is hard but I don't think Jesus would have been! I think he would have been sincere. So, as my mom used to tell me, "If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all." Therefore, I shall say nothing at all. :D If I wouldn't say it to my mom, I won't say it to anyone else!
I've decided that I'm not going to go back to where I was and staying where I am is not an option. So, the only thing for me to do now is to fight it out!! I've got to stand tall and strong and lean on the Lord. As a human, I am weak. So, I thank God that he is strong!!
I hope this makes sense. It's kind of late and I'm kind of tired. One last thought: "For some of us, it takes the pain of staying the same to be greater than the pain of changing to cause us to move forward into that change."
I'm trying to be a better person! I'm trying to be more true to who I am meant to be; who I used to be. We all change. Some of us for the better, some for the worse. I feel like I've done a little of both recently.
I feel like at one point I was very compassionate and caring. Recently I feel like my compassion has slowly melted away. I care, but I feel like I don't care enough. I want so badly to cry at injustice in the world. I want so badly to feel compassion towards the hurting and broken but somehow it just isn't happening all of the time. I remember a time when the commercials on t.v. would bring me to tears and the sight of a teenager crying would break my heart. Where has that person gone? What have I done to her? I think she still lives inside of me. I think she's in there, deep down. Maybe somewhere a long this journey I was hurt and that has something to do with it. However, I don't think that's an excuse!
I used to be positive! So, encouraging... Now I feel like I only see the bad... When did my glass become half empty? How do I change the way I see things? When did i desensitize myself to things?
I know that I love. I love without conditions. I love without knowing why. Love is something that is fairly easy for me. I love to love. I love to love on people. I don't always know how to show it, but I try.
So, I know that I need a lot of work. I also know that it's the Lord who has to do that work in me. It won't happen over night but that's how I want it! I want him to be like, "Poof, you're a new person!" I don't think he does that though. I think it takes time and work on my part. I have to make the choice to change and let him change me. I have to want it badly and be willing to do what he asks of me. What a journey this is going to be.
Right now, I'm working on how people look at me. If I say I'm a Christian, I must act it at all times. There's no room to have an off day because everyone is watching. I'm working on this by watching what I say. Not being so sarcastic is hard but I don't think Jesus would have been! I think he would have been sincere. So, as my mom used to tell me, "If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all." Therefore, I shall say nothing at all. :D If I wouldn't say it to my mom, I won't say it to anyone else!
I've decided that I'm not going to go back to where I was and staying where I am is not an option. So, the only thing for me to do now is to fight it out!! I've got to stand tall and strong and lean on the Lord. As a human, I am weak. So, I thank God that he is strong!!
I hope this makes sense. It's kind of late and I'm kind of tired. One last thought: "For some of us, it takes the pain of staying the same to be greater than the pain of changing to cause us to move forward into that change."
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