"just breathe"

my heart is a little heavy today. i feel as though i may cry at any moment. i received a message from a friend last night. they want to give up on god. they want to stop because they haven't felt him in a while and they are having a hard time. they want to let go and move on with out him. it breaks me! i want to break down.

i know, i need to start interceding. sometimes i just don't think about praying first. i normally stress out about it and when i can't deal any longer, i pray. so, for the first time, i'm praying first. i started this morning. i know, you probably think, "she's been a christian for how long and doesn't think to pray first?" well, i'm human. prayer is normally easy but when it comes to people who are tired of god, it's hard to go to him and talk about it.

anyway... i have a little confession. last night i was so tempted to cut! i wanted to go to my room and just slice away the frustration and anger. but i didn't! (thank you god for self control) i was beyond myself. it literally took all that was inside of me to breathe! i wanted to run. i wanted to scream! i've not felt that way in forever! i'm normally calm and cool. however, something got to me! after i realized that i was being crazy, i took a deep breath and moved on.

i just want to say, you don't know how strong you are until you are tested. you don't know how far you can go unless you take the first step. you never know what god has for you unless you ask. i know, i'm just dragging this out but it makes me feel better! it makes me feel good to get it all out!

so, i want to leave quoting Mother Teresa, "Thank God, that He still stoops down to take from me."