so, i was having lunch with a dear friend, when she asked me what i was planning on doing. she was talking about furthering my education because the last time we had talked i had mentioned going to school. i think i just rolled my eyes and said, "well..." our conversation proceeded and i told her i wasn't sure what i wanted to do with my life.
i know i need to go on and do the whole "school" thing. however, i don't want to go and waste money if i don't even know why i'm going. maybe i try too hard to figure things out that i miss what God is saying, or maybe i know what i'm to do but so afraid to do it... gah!!!
why be afraid? well, right after high school i was in a ministry program. after i completed it, i went on to college. i did really good for the first quarter, but as the quarter ended and i continued on with the semester, i started slacking. i became very depressed and let my grades go. it was such a fail!
i can't forget it. i know that the past is the past and that i must let it go but when you fail so terribly and you know that history tends to repeat itself, it's hard to try it again. now, i know that things are different and that i'm not the same person i was, but it's so scary!
what do i want to be? i don't think i totally know. i know i don't want to do anything with health care, business, or even education. i'm scared to choose the wrong thing. lord, i just want to do what is right.
well, i can't spend my whole life in fear. i need to just get this ball rolling! so, i'm going to enroll for fall classes and try to start over. if i don't, i'm going to be miserable and i'm tired of feeling like i'm settling in life because i let fear control me!
so, i don't know what i want to be and i don't even know if i know who i am... however, i do know that i can't waste any more time!
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